You know the feeling: the kind of exhaustion where every day feels heavy, frustrating, and endless. My guess is that most moms have experienced this at some point. But what happens when burnout turns into something deeper — when you find yourself wondering if you regret motherhood altogether?
If that’s you, you’re not alone. And while those feelings can be frightening or even shame inducing, it’s important to pause and look beneath the surface. What’s really driving that sense of regret? And is it possible that what feels like regret is something else entirely?
In a recent article titled “I Regret Having Children,” one mom shared:
“If I could go back, I would redo everything. My fantasy is an alternate universe where I graduated, went straight to a doctorate program, and lived alone.”
Another mother described motherhood this way:
“Motherhood is an endless job that you do even when you don’t want to, because a little person depends on you. It feels like a trap you can’t escape.”
These words are raw, and they reveal something painfully honest. But when I hear the word regret, I think it implies wishing something had never happened at all. And yet, both women go on to say they genuinely love their children.
So, is this really regret?
What I see isn’t a rejection of their children. What I see is exhaustion. Isolation. A deep longing for companionship beyond motherhood and for autonomy that feels lost. In other words, desperation, not regret.
The Real Need Beneath the Feeling
Motherhood was never meant to be a solo mission. And yet, so many moms find themselves carrying the physical, emotional, and mental load alone. That’s why a strong support system isn’t optional. It’s vital.
Support means having someone who will listen without judging. It means having a place to turn when you need material help. This is something we talk about endlessly at Standing With You, because it matters.
For many moms, the support they need goes deeper. They don’t just need help surviving; they need help feeling human again.
They need people willing to watch the kids so they can work out, rest, or enjoy a girls’ night. They need communities where they can pursue their passions: Bible studies, book clubs, exercise groups, creative hobbies. They need validation that they still matter as individuals, not just as caregivers.
Accepting Change Without Losing Yourself
At the same time, part of this journey involves acceptance. Once you become a mom, life changes, and that’s okay. Parenthood naturally shifts priorities, and that doesn’t mean something has gone wrong.
It’s also important to remember that motherhood is not static. As children grow, their dependence on us changes too. The intense seasons don’t last forever, even when they feel never ending.
The truth is, we are never the exact same person we were before becoming parents. But that doesn’t mean we are less than — we are becoming more. More layered. More resilient. More complex. The goal, then, isn’t to return to who you were. Instead, it is to build a support system that empowers and encourages the person you’re becoming.
If You’re Feeling Regret, Here Are Three Next Steps
If you’ve found yourself saying yes, that you feel like you regret motherhood, here are three practical steps you can take today:
1. Write out your support system.
List everyone in your life who supports you: your spouse, family, friends, church, pregnancy centers, childcare providers, community resources. Next to each one, write down how they might be willing to support you better as you juggle motherhood and your individual needs.
2. Connect with a counselor.
Counseling can help you get to the root of these feelings and create a pathway forward that’s tailored to you. Many of the resources featured on StandingWithYou.org offer counseling services or referrals. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
3. Focus on the good — even in small ways.
Motherhood comes with stress and sacrifice, but those challenges don’t get to define the entire journey. Maybe it’s listening to an encouraging podcast while doing chores, waking up a little earlier for quiet time, or finding a moment of gratitude in the chaos. Those practices can restore perspective and peace.
Because even as you become a mother, you are still you! Just a more beautiful and complex version than before.